It all started innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and
then, just to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to
another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone
"to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became
more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the
time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read and then think about what I had read. I would return
to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are
doing here?" Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and told my wife I would like to discuss the meaning of
life with her. She spent that night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me
in. He said, "Listen - I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but
your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the
job, I'm going to have to let you go."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
college professors, and college professors don't make any money - so
if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out
the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some serious reading. I
roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't
open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,
whimpering for a stimulating thought, a poster caught my eye. "Friend,
is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize
that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.
Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss
a TA meeting. At each meeting, we watch a non-educational video; last
week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we have avoided
thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are
so much better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is almost complete for me. Today, I
registered to vote Democrat.
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