Originally Posted by
jcruse64
Another thing, when a family member (or members) take the load and become the caregiver to the patient, they usually have NO clue about the life stress they are about to undergo. Being an in-home, primary caregiver to a dementia/alzheimers patient can be all-consuming and lead to a ton of emotional and even physical wreckage on themselves. My mom did a ton of reading on this and said that many elderly spouses that do this for their loved one don't survive much longer than when their patient/spouse dies, because of the toll it can take on them. There ARE resources and help out there for caregivers, but you may have to go bird-dogging for it. Pap was a vet, only one-time enlistment, and was eligible for quite a bit of help, including access to a VA caregivers support group for her and some hours every week of respite care workers. I'd advise anyone who makes the decision to become a loved one's caregiver to look into EVERYTHING available to you to help YOU the caregiver in this battle, as well as your patient. Some people may feel that they are either being weak or that they are failing their loved one because they struggle or feel they are failing this calling while doing it on their own. That's terrible thinking. You, as the caregiver for this type of situation, need to call on and find as many resources and help for both you and your patient as you can.
Many patients, like my Pap, live in a world where their visual, mental, and emotional focus gradually shrinks to just a pinpoint. In his last year, I was shocked to see this happen weekly/daily. My mother became the only thing he usually focused on in daily life, she was his entire universe because they were together 24/7 (and even then, he would sometimes not recognize her and think she was a stranger in the house and get upset). Because of that, he pretty much drove her nuts by just being up in her grille al his waking hours. Not mean or aggressive, just constant hammering away on her, like an infant that never ever goes to sleep. She'd call me in tears quite often because sh couldn't get a few quiet moments to read a book or do their bills or watch an old movie, so one of us boys would go over and stay as long as needed so she could go in another room for some quiet time. Then she would feel guilty for that, in spite of us telling her there is noting wrong with that.
All of that just to say, someone needs to also care for the caregiver when you have this happen.
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Of course I talk to myself...sometimes I need expert advice.
