Hold Your Sides, do not read if you have a weak bladder

[billnorman1]

These are from a book, "Disorder in the Court", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.


_____________________________ _ __
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________ _ _________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________ _______
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?

WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
______________________________ ___________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[Tidewater Bass]

[Al from Canada]

[jimsch]

[brushsjigs]

Excellent., especially loved the last one
Reminds me of one time I was called into jury duty. I would not have mined serving, but some of the dumb ass questions the attorneys were asking. The prosecutor attorney was seeing if I could be intimated (Wrong thought that just pisses me off) Asking me of several questions and then asked me if I would have a problem of sending a man to jell. I just looked at him and said that all of how well you do you do your job. He stood there for several seconds looking at me. Walked back to his desk laughing and sat down. End of discussion. Sorry, not trying to steal the thread. But I cannot believe some of this crap. lol Did you really pass your bar exam?? lmao

[wildturkey]

those are great. Would have loved to hear those in person.

[Bob_Fish]

[Ryan]

I have been and in around courtrooms for 25 years and yes that kinda stuff is said all the time.

[drifter106]

dang funny!!

[RERUN]

1st place for today

[RangerBasser]

Jesus, that was good!

[grayline]

While pulling jury duty all was asked to turn off our cell phones or remove them from the court room a lady was seen with her phone out and was texting . So the bailiff went over and took her phone.. At break the bailiff gave her her phone back and told her to put it in airplane mode and she could keep it .. Her response Doesn't that only work on airplanes?