Hello BBC:
I have been split from my wife of almost 20 years for 6 years or so divorced for about 3.5 years. I find I still hold a LARGE amount of anger in my heart towards her and its affecting my dating life now. I dont trust any female at all, have no desire to be in a relationship ever again. I honestly dont know if I will ever be "whole" again. Any of you guys go through this ? Any advice?
Do you feel like you need to be in a relationship or something? I’ve never been divorced myself but so far I’m the first that can say that on both sides of my family. Just do what makes you happy and if a woman comes along that does that then great if not just do what makes you happy.
The circumstances of the divorce apparently have alot to do with your feelings. Gotta remember not all women are the same.
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Got it finally! Pictures soon to come...
Going through it presently, been over a year ago since my former wife told me she wanted a divorce.. divorce got finalized in early August, so mine hasn't nearly been as long..
I haven't even attempted dating, been far too busy with work and my five year old son.. I don't hold any anger towards her for her and my part of our marriage and the failures... I hold resentment for her deciding to not be in her son's life..
I don't really have any advice for you offhand.. presently I'm in the same boat, no desire to be in a relationship again.. who knows if that will change or not..
Go fishing more is all I can say.. I plan on doing that with my son when the weather gets warmer again.
Good luck
You’ll feel much better when you forgive her. In my case I also had to take ownership of my issues.
My first real step was going back to church. I’d gone to a bad place after my divorce. Talk with clergy.
Do we really trust the internet with issues like this?
Reaching out to talk to people is never a bad idea IMO.Originally Posted by T Dub
Totally agree, just not sure the BBC lounge is the right place for something serious. No offense and best wishes to the OP
I had a few people on here send me PMs after I posted about mine. Wasn't looking for them, but it was nice to get them
Divorce is a public record, so in the end what does it really matter?
Anger does not serve you, nor does it punish them.
Anger is exhausting to hold onto. It took me some soul searching to let it go.
I guess it doesn’t. Glad you got the help you needed and hope the OP does too.
Despite all the noise in the lounge there are a lot of really good guys that have been through a lot and have a large collection of life experience that can pass along some great information.
Just watch Two in a Half Men and be like Charlie Harper on the show in real life
Heres a great article about it. Also read your Bible.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ger-in-divorce
" A Few Good Fish"
Please check out my youtube channel
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuuwIthNWDweOTGjtkfOVGw
I'd suggest leaving the dating alone until you're in a better place.
Go fishing, plan a couple of solo vacations, grab another hobby, etc.
You need time to heal, it's normal. You'll be fine, trust yourself.
It's ok if you got that kind of money...just be careful because there are itches out there that dial just can't wash away...
Back to the open, if you got that kind of anger after this many years, you.need to talk to someone besides the fine folks one here...you got family, friends, church... there's something somewhere...that kind of resentment I've only ever seen from my drunk ass father towards my mother and it was a lifetime of hatred from him. That's no way to live man. Ruined his life. Drank everything he ever had away including what little family that still had anything to do with him. All because of the hatred that he could not let go...wish I could tell you what or how to do it...but that's on you...up to you...I was shown how not to be by him.. because no him, I'll never put myself there in that position...
Last edited by mrlawler1; 01-07-2019 at 11:39 PM.
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Can't believe I'm going to say it but I agwee. I lost my wife in a car accident. Eventually I started a long term relationship with a certified crazy female. After that ended I wasn't interested in another crazy female so I just spent time alone doing what I wanted. I really thought I'd be single the rest of my life. Mentally I wasn't interested. One day I was sitting around my house and my phone rang. It was a single female neighbor wanting to know if I was interested in just getting out of the house. We have been kicking around for a few/couple of months now. I'm not interested in getting married and she says she's not either. When we want to we do what we want. If we don't want to do anything we each do our own thing. So far it's working. It took a while but I'm much more receptive to being with someone now. I'm not mad at the world or angry at anything. Somewhere down the path I learned that I don't have to have anyone. If need be I can make it on my own. It's just more fun having some one to spend time with.
Going through it presently, been over a year ago since my former wife told me she wanted a divorce.. divorce got finalized in early August, so mine hasn't nearly been as long..
I haven't even attempted dating, been far too busy with work and my five year old son.. I don't hold any anger towards her for her and my part of our marriage and the failures... I hold resentment for her deciding to not be in her son's life..
I don't really have any advice for you offhand.. presently I'm in the same boat, no desire to be in a relationship again.. who knows if that will change or not..
Go fishing more is all I can say.. I plan on doing that with my son when the weather gets warmer again.
Good luck
Forgive her! For everything. If you don't, your still stuck in your life at the divorce 3.5 yrs ago. Forgiveness is freedom. Its peace. It gives you the ability to move ahead in your life without carrying baggage from the past. Let your past experience make you smarter, not harder.
I wouldn't worry about dating until you have let the anger, hate and resentment go. Find yourself again. BE happy with your life, alone. Once your happy with YOU, than someone else can be too.
I speak from pure experience. As long as your hating and angry with her...she still wins.
Forgiveness, God and Prayer! One day at a time buddy!
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