I have told my 6 year old daughter that I didnt care what the teacher told her about hitting others. If another kid hits her she would not be in any trouble at home if she hit them back defending herself. I mean that! I dont care what the school system thinks is not acceptable as far as that goes. If a kid starts a fight with her and she defneds herself I'll go tell all of them to get Fcked real quick.
You always start with the teacher and work your way up. I would give him a small can of pepper spray and tell him too have at it.
We have experienced this with my oldest daughter (just turned 7). group of caddy girls "alienating" her one day and acting like her best friend the next. MIND GAMES. All while being just plain mean. So we had a meeting with the teacher at conferences and addressed it. We instructed our daughter to respectfully but sternly to tell the girl(s) if you cannot be nice I do not want to be friends/play with you. Teacher is a passive one and says because WE instructed our daughter to TELL the girls NO i do not want to play with you....Says our daughter is PART of the equation. NO F'ing way. we went to the principal....had a sit down...alerted her of what is going on...mind you this is a montessori school...Principal addressed the issue. Problem went away for a couple months then summer hit. fast forward to this year and it started back up again. Through out this process I worked on CONFIDENCE with our girl and it was working but the day in and day out bullying has eaten away at the progress that we were making. what worked for us is helping build confidence and being in FRONT of the teacher/principal/recess lady/etc. to the point I now know everyone and they now KNOW ME. I am not a courteous person I am blunt and raw. They were all made aware that my child is taught "an eye for an eye" so be prepared if you cannot do your job. Go as high in the school system as you can and DO NOT make friends with the teachers they are there to teach not solve in class out of class issues. good luck. hit me up if you want.
You should know that in bee tending if you don't shut your trap the bees will get out.
When is the last time you spent more than hour in a school?Originally Posted by coolwhip
Document dates, times, places, exact phrasing and perpetrators.
The above posters have given you a number of options. Working with your son to increase his confidence and self-esteem, that these a-hole kids have torn down, is part of the solution. The other part is to work with the school system. So far, working only with the teachers has not solved the problem. So, now it’s time to “kick ass and take names.” You gave the teachers and school counselor a chance and they blew it. I’d go to the principal now. Tell him that you are giving him one week to solve the problem before going to the superintendent. If you go to the superintendent, give him a week. If that doesn’t work, go to a school board meeting. If that doesn’t work, go to the local media.
We we had to do this when my son was in middle school. The teacher did nothing, the principal did nothing, and the superintendent did nothing. But, after I spoke at the school board meeting, publically embarassing the superintendent, I had school board members promise me that the problem would be solved. And, they came up to me after the meeting and gave me their phone numbers and told me that if the problem was not solved, they wanted me to personally call them and they would guarantee that all of the “do nothing” employees would be dealt with accordingly.
Last edited by Jeff Hahn; 12-13-2018 at 09:11 AM.
"The man of system is apt to be very wise in his own conceit; and is often so enamored with the supposed beauty of his own ideal plan of government that he cannot suffer the smallest deviation from any part of it…He seems to imagine that he can arrange the different members of a great society with as much ease as the hand arranges the different pieces upon a chessboard.” Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments
My son is in pre-k in an elementary school and he has mentioned a first grader boy played rough with him. I told him to punch that kid in the face the next time he does that. His first respond was "but my teachers don't like that". I don't know what exactly they are teaching kids but I think teachers now in a way, supporting these "bullying" by making it sounds like standing up for oneself is not the right thing to do. I'm letting it go for now since I haven't heard anymore of it. As my boys get older, I'm willing to take any troubles that come from them standing up for themselves. I won't advocate fighting for fun but won't be part of the fighting isn't ok crowd either.
The Kids at school now(at least at ours) have been told not to contact( punch,kick or push type contact) another student but to go to a teacher or whoever. which would be fine if they would do anything.
right now I have contacted all 3 of his teachers...again, went past the counselor and principal (hes worthless) and went directly to the Superintendent. I actually heard back pretty quick from her. She had said that the Bullying is unacceptable and she will be contacting the principal to conduct an investigation.
the next step ill take as someone pointed out is going to the school board over this. never would have thought of that so whoever said it thanks. I talked to a good friend of mine this morning and they are having the same issues. ill bet the school board will be surprised when I'm done after getting 20-30 parents together and a board meeting over this.
I am a teacher in a rural school, teachers here try to prevent but there isn't much meaner or more cruel than other kids, and they can be sneaky. You cant watch a class of 30+ all the time. I have two boys myself both of them have been raised to stand up for themselves. Mine have been told their entire lives to not start fight but they had better end them. Bullies have low self esteem and once stood up to generally the bullying will stop. I might be wrong and my principle has called me in several times because I give kids in class the same advise but seems to be frowned upon in today's times.
THIS, THIS, THIS,,,,,,,,,,, We started our son in Kindergarten when he was seated next to a boy who had failed K for 2 years so he was 7 while our son was waiting to turn 5 while starting school. It helped so much and he is very good at it. He has other friends that go now also. Most are not very good at it physically but it is so much more than that. Luckily his teachers (a husband and wife team) teach so much more than just physical fighting, but also life lessons and how to deal with things and how to be confident in yourself.
Tough deal, I don't think bullying is any different now then when I was a kid. I remember how nasty some kids were to others, seems not much stops them so I learned to avoid them. Hope it stops for the OPs kid.
I work in a public school and we have a hotline anyone (student or parent) can call to report bullying. I assure you, when we get a bullying report everyone springs into action to put a stop to it. That includes teachers, coaches and administrators, our school has a zero tolerance policy and it works.
Interesting to hear the Mil. Brat stories. It can be tough on kids being a brat. 9th grade, 85 lb Wrestler in SAY, since 98lb was too much to compete at......pushed around by a 160lb kid in shop. 1976, Finally had enough, Upper cut, double leg take down, and pound his head like a Tasmanian devil. Shop teacher, old guy smoked pipe in class.... sent the other kid to the principals, me to his. Sat down and told me he knew it was going on. when pooed the kid and took him down, he figure I was due to get my licks in on the kid. He leaned in to me a said good work son, that kid is an *******. I did not get in trouble, the other kid got suspended.
The moral of the story is the teachers know everything that is going on. They know very well if your son is receiving attacks. kids are actually pretty stupid when the cloose to bully, the teachers know.
Bullies do not actually want to pick on some one that will confront them or go to their ass, even if the kid loses if he can get in a few good licks on the bully before he goes down the bully will remember it. It may take two or three instances but once the bully understands that if he picks on this kid he has a fight on his hands he will move on to easier prey and leave the "fighter" alone. Also the kid will gain his own reputation that he does not start things but if you push him he will fight and he will be have his own level of EARNED respect.
Running to teachers or even worse to mommy and daddy having them come to the school to fight your battles for you will only make the picking and bullying worse overall as the kid will be labeled a pu*** and a tattletale by the other kids. This type of behavior is normal from kids to adults and there will always be those that want to be the Alpha.
In my opinion teaching your child to not start trouble but to defend and stand up for himself if trouble starts will do him much more good throughout life than running in and trying to fix this for him. You will not always be there when he needs protecting.
Most every bully I dealt with as a kid, eventually got his comeuppance, but never did a teacher or school official have anything to do with it. I'd deal directly with the parents, if they can't control it, I'd go directly to the school board, if they don't handle it I'd be consulting a lawyer.
Bahhh Sorrry, but WTF is wrong with parents now days these kids need a god damn whooping to knock this shit off and teachers need to go back to old ways of paddling these little shits.
Sorry had to say it.
My daughter was getting bullied via social media from ex-classmates. Someone had set up a fake account under my daughter's name (she had no real accounts of any kind at the time) and they grabbed my facebook cover photo, which was a picture of myself, my wife and my daughter and used that with the fake profile. They then used that account to contact her friends and classmates and sent some very nasty messages etc. Eventually she got death threats and all kinds of nastiness and she called me crying when she found out about it. I looked at the fake accounts and people participating, tracked down their parents on Facebook and contacted every single one of them. Quite a few teenagers had their social media accounts deleted that day lol! And the online bullying stopped immediately.
Anyhow, all this to say I would recommend going right to the parents. Find out the names of the kids that are harassing them and look up the last names on Facebook and you will probably find them.
Dan
My daughter is 13 and while we, as adults, may forget what it was like...3-4 kids saying nasty shit to you can mess up your ego when you’re young!
I think you’re doing the right thing as a parent, and with my daughter we have a deal that NO MATTER what she does, telling me the truth is much better than trying to cover it up. The bullying won’t stop until your boy stands up for himself. The bullies will move on when he’s not a soft target anymore.
I know you you don’t want that, but we’ve all been there; if not, you were the bully!
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Man...2018 is really a different animal.
I always thought the answer to bullying was to man up and hit the bully....but thats only thinking of my idea of bullying thats mostly intimidation and/or physical acts. These little shits are waging mental freaking warfare. wtf! im not even sure your son knocking the crap out of them would help....theyd prolly get him in trouble and run home to mommy crying. Even the bullies arent tough nowadays it seems. How and why are these little bastards saying stuff like this...and knowing how hurtful those statements can be?! super calculated from some damn 10 year olds.
If punching a bully was the solution back when bullies were physically intimidating kids, you gotta match/act in kind. Get him watching some stand up comedians to understand trash talking.....scope out the damn kids, find out about them if you can. Write some roasts together and verbally/socially assassinate them! One of their parents going through a divorce....tell your son to tell him to F off and hes the reason his parents are getting divorce! LOL...
Im sorry....i have no solutions since i have no kids. But im pretty amazed at the type of stuff your kid is going through. Wish you and your young one luck dealing with it....just remind him the tables usually get flipped once he hits his mid 20s and after and he'll be the one living his best life while theyre just stuck being miserable people.
For good or bad the old days of settling the score out behind the schoolhouse or anywhere for that matter are over. It's not an option. You can tell your kids to punch the bullies lights out or whatever language you choose but you have just insured YOUR child will be removed from school, suspended or otherwise punished. No questions asked. It doesn't matter who started it or who finishes it. Everybody gets punished. Forget how it used to be. You can say I'll back you up, you can say you'll raise cain with the teacher or the principle but it won't stop YOUR child from getting the same punishment as the offenders. Your only option is to go through the administration and take it as high as you need to get it resolved. Sad but true. Been there done that.
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