Im sorry if this is rather long but I really need to get this off my chest.
A little of my story: I grew up angry. Don't know why, I just was. I eventually got tired of it and decided I was going to be happy no matter what and it seemed that every time I was happy, something would happen. I met this girl and we rushed into things and we had 2 awesome boys. Things didn't work out and we divorced after 10 months. She took the boys back to GA from VA(where we moved because I couldn't find decent work in GA) thinking I wouldn't fight for custody. I did and I won full custody. She hasn't seen them in almost 10 years.
Well I thought that was tough. I work 12 hour swing shifts and my boys are 10 months old and 2 years old. I would sleep 3 hours a day just so I would be there for them. I had to be. Sleep was least important to me. I had to be there for them. HAD TO!! I didn't look at women because I didn't have time for them. My boys was it. My whole world! Everything I did was for them.
Well this woman come to work in my building and we got along great! I never thought of a relationship but we started hanging out and with a little coaxing and help of an older coworker we called mom, well it happened. I mean she was perfect. We got a long great. Hardly ever disagreed or argued about anything. No jealousy, No judging of past experiences. Just genuine love for one another. She was the one ya know.
We had to switch shifts to work opposite shifts for child care. that means we were off only 2 days a month together but most of the time we had to work overtime on those days. We did that for almost 4 years. It was tough. I missed her so much then. but it taught us to appreciate the time we had together. and we surely did.
We recently got a promotion to where I could switch crews and it would grant us 6 days off a month together and OMG we were so excited! 6 whole days, that's not much at all, but we were ecstatic! She started her job, but they still needed me on my current crew so I had to stay for another month. That's fine, Im a patient person.
Well, I finally change crews and work the 4 night shifts, talking to her most of the night like we always do, until she goes to bed. Well Monday night at 130 in the morning I got busy and she quits messaging me. I think she just goes to bed. Its been a busy night, ill see her in the morning.
I get off work and head home. I pull in the drive way and see the lights still on, I think shes up? I look at the sky and think about being up in the stars for some odd reason. I open the door and my life would halt! I don't know what happened. She is lying there peacefully like she just fell asleep. No health issues or nothing.
I cant wrap my head around it. Im devastated. WHY? Ive always struggled with the question is god real? Ive always felt him just always questioned it. I don't know why. I just did even though I knew he was. Is this his plan for me? Why would he take her? I just don't understand!
Please, if youre the praying kind, please a prayer would help me now. Ill be fine, I have to for my boys!
Thank you all.