father's funeral opinions please-

[timfish]

I need advise and what better place then here--right??? I know this is a fishing forum--but I need advise...

My father died Friday evening, my mom (they divorced a longtime ago) came over and told me about it. I have not spoken to him in over 8 years (its complicated) and we agreed to go separate ways--dont go away mad, just go away type thing-my brother (4 years my elder) still talked to him-My brother was instructed by my father NOT TO TELL ME OF HIS DEATH...dont know why,,will remain a mystery..

We had a strong relationship, but things went South when my mother and I began talking again and he would not come and see our daughter on her 2nd birthday because I had my mother over the previous day. I did not want our daughter to be around that type of negative energy, so I asked him that we split ways--he agreed....

Anyway, Im 40+, got a beautiful wife, 10 YO daughter. My daughter does not know my father, i tried to shield her from him. My father has his new family, stepchildren, step grand children etc, etc---we used to all be friendly to each other.

My brother and I are tight, I want to support him, but dont want any drama. I know that sometimes folks that have nothing to do with the deceased suddenly appear--especially when comes to 'will reading time'--

I know I am out of my father's will and have no thoughts otherwise...he is out of mine,,,

I just want to support my brother because I am worried that he is on for a tough legal battle with the 'other side'

they are having service/visitation tonight and service/burial tomorrow----i dont know what to do and how to do it--PLEASE IDEAS!!

[omcforever]

Do what you need to do to keep you and your brother tight,,,JMHO Going thru the same thing now,,,I am keeping the right people happy/insure my brother and I stay tight. Hard to do at times though.

[Mark Perry]

At the end of the day you only had 1 father. Show up, pay your respects, support the rest of the family and get through the day. Then move on with life. At least that is how I would approach it.

[bassworm1]

Talk to your brother tell him your there for him.

[rockangler]

I would go and support my brother.

[grandbassslayer]

At the end of the day you only had 1 father. Show up, pay your respects, support the rest of the family and get through the day. Then move on with life. At least that is how I would approach it.

[brushsjigs]

At the end of the day you only had 1 father. Show up, pay your respects, support the rest of the family and get through the day. Then move on with life. At least that is how I would approach it.

Good advise

[timfish]

THANKS

[bshort]

At the end of the day you only had 1 father. Show up, pay your respects, support the rest of the family and get through the day. Then move on with life. At least that is how I would approach it.

[cwilt]

I agree, do what keeps you and your brothers relationship tight. Your dad is now out of the picture now, time to strengthen the bond with your daughter and her grandma.

I have issues with my dad also. My mom and i had a great relationship, especially with the grand kids. Nona, passed away 3 years ago, and i talk to pop-pop every now and then. Good luck.

[jeffmac78]

Go see your dad one last time and be there to support your brother. Praying for you and your family, sorry for your loss.

[lakebouef5]

I am one of eleven kids in the family. My Mother and Father divorced after 11 children and 33 years of marriage. My Mom was like a Saint...and would look out for and provide all needs for her kids. My father spent 22 years in the military, and was a tough guy. He did provide for all of us...but he made life a lot tougher than it needed to be. Once every few years, they would get into an argument and he would hit her...not repeatedly, but just whack her one good one, and she became silent....for not to draw his anger out on the kids. When the 6 boys were older teenagers, he struck her one time, and we all threw him out the house...and would not let him come back. It was at this point that I did not talk to or see my father for 10 years...but my 5 sisters always stopped to see him. When I met my wife and we were engaged, she told me she wanted to meet my father. She also told me she would not marry a man who would not at least see his father. So, I found out where he lived and took her to see him. Best move I ever made, besides taking care of my mom for years. After a few month of talking to him every few weeks, he was told he probably only had about two years to live. My wife and I had married, and she was pregnant with my first child. She told me to bring my Father home and she would take care of him, he was bed ridden for much of that time. She became very close to him, and they talked ever day about what he had intended to do in life...and also regretted his actions and foolish pride...and losing a great family and wife. All the boys stopped by as well as the girls during this period...and talked to him. He died a peaceful death. Life is short, very short....look after your brother's back. One may lose many things in this life...but do not lose your family....just my advice.

[timfish]

thank ya'll--truly thank yall

[Doorman1]

You only have one father. Go to the visitation and funeral make your peace with him. Ask your brother how you can best support him in his time of grief. The legal battle you are sure your brother is going to be in with the other side doesn't matter. It's only things and money, never ever make plans to receive anything from a parents estate. I only got to talk with my older brother 2 times before he died 6 years after my parents passed away. He and his wife made it all about money and things which in the end don't really matter since we all will die one day.

[scott c]

At the end of the day you only had 1 father. Show up, pay your respects, support the rest of the family and get through the day. Then move on with life. At least that is how I would approach it.

Very good approach I think.

[Bsktball55]

Show up, support your family, if your father's new family wants to make a scene about you being there, just leave quietly and don't turn it into a problem.

[spinningreel]

So did your brother also associate with your mom?

[C0MRAD]

Show up and grieve your father. What other people think about you being there doesn't matter. You need to do this for yourself, you won't get a second chance.

[timfish]

yeah---
when i was 18 she kicked me out of the house--she found her a new man---my father helped me out--helped me through college--I dint talk to her for a long time either--when we had our daughter she miraculously came back in to the picture--that apparently ticked off my father-jeez--im sounding like Joe Dirt---

So did your brother also associate with your mom?

[lakebouef5]

yeah---
when i was 18 she kicked me out of the house--she found her a new man---my father helped me out--helped me through college--I dint talk to her for a long time either--when we had our daughter she miraculously came back in to the picture--that apparently ticked off my father-jeez--im sounding like Joe Dirt---

Families often get messed up...but if you can do something positive for/about the family...do it!