Keep a roll in the boat

[cajun1977]

welcome back

[Jiggernaut]

This is good for another laugh.

[R.D.]

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by Jiggernaut &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">This is good for another laugh. </TD></TR></TABLE>


thanks for the RECOARSE Jason

[War Eagle1]

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by Jiggernaut &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">dropping the kids off at the pool....
pinch a loaf......
release the hostages........
uncoil a butt snake...........
</TD></TR></TABLE>

[pastormark]

I was fishing with a guy and he had to go. He jumped out of the boat did the nasty and when he got back in brought a TERRIBLE SMELL with him. Come to find out he had drug both the straps of his bib overalls through the deposit. Needless to say he fished in his rain suit while we drug his pants along in the water.

[Edbob]

Early one Saturday morning last spring I was fishing a stump filled cove on Lake Bastrop when the "demon" decided to materialize. Luckily, my wife had stashed a roll of those blue shop towels under the driver seat. The main problem was the fact that there are boy scout camps on both sides of the cove that I was in and the kids were starting to wake up and walk out to the edge of the water. I was really in pain and had to get rid of it before it decided to escape on its own. I cranked up the TM as fast as it would go and I think I set some kind of slalom record running through the stumps going deeper into the cove heading for a hidden washout in the far bank. About 10 feet from the bank I pulled the TM up and just let the boat beach itself while I jumped out and ran up the bank into the woods to find a secluded spot. After everything was said and done I realized that I had left my roll of shop towels on the front deck. So I did the pants around my ankles waddle down the hill back to the boat. While I was standing there on the bank trying to wipe 3 scouts and one of their leaders walked out of the brush about 40 yards down the bank from me...Yep, you guessed it, they got a full view of my bare ass. I just pulled up my britches, trolled out of the cove, headed back to the ramp, trailered, and came home. I didn't feel like having to explain to the local game warden why I was standing on the bank with my pants around my ankles.

[DIXIEDOG]

A guy I worked with did a good one. He was up north snowmobiling when all the sudden "it" is about to happen, he pulls of the trail, tears off his helmet, pulls his snowsuit down and proceeds to cut a log, all goes well and he pulls his suit back up, tossed his helmet on and heads up the trail to the restaurant. Goes in the restaurant and notices it stinks a little but didn't pay any attention to it, orders his food and the next thing he knows the waitress comes up and asks him to leave other patrons were complaining about his odor, he gets pissed and starts making a scene and then leaves. When they got outside the restaurant his father looked at the hood on his suit and turned out this log wasn't a long distance runner and it landed right in the hood but fell right in a crease, he was what was stinking His father lets everybody know about what happened, guess he's just proud of his boy
The only way it could have been better is if he put the hood up

[DKees]

Buddy of mine fishing the Champion Owners tournament on Rayburn had the pain hit......could not call it pinching a loaf/taking kids to pool/taking Browns to the Super Bowl/turtle head sticking out, etc. simply because the "consistency" of the blow out could not be in any of those categories. Anyway, he cruises up to the shore w/ the big motor and beaches the boat, takes off up a well marked trail and could not get far. My man had enough and the squirter was leavin! He dropped down and assumed the position and was there quite a while just hurtin evidently. He finished his business and the same story......here comes a family of 4 down the trail......he high tails it back to the boat and the family hits the pile. He hops back in the boat and says "man, that pile was big enough that those folks will have to run and jump over it". To this day........that point is called "Run and Jump Point".

[Midnightrun]

Never seen this post until today!!!!!!

Thanks for the laughs!

[BigDave65]

My buddy Joe was fishing the river out of his johnboat with his buddy Ron. Joe always has TP on board. Ron got the urge and Joe let him out on the bank to do his business. After a few minutes Joe starts smelling the awfulest smell he has ever smelt, thinking something done crawled up Ron's butt and died. Ron finally comes back and gets in the boat, and Joe is like Damn, what did you have for supper last night. Ron says what do you mean? Joe says the smell is about to make him sick. As they pull back into the river they see a dead deer that was laying in the edge of the water all swollen up. They stirred it up when they beached the boat! Ron gets mad at Joe because he thought the stink was him taking a crap, didn't hardly speak to him the rest of the day!

[TNT]

this thread needs the story of "the mudshark"

The Mudshark

While fishing in a cove that had lots of houses close by and a few boats within sight, the ol' mud-shark started barkin'. Bad breath too. No big deal I thought till it crept out and drew a picture in the bottom of my skivees. In panic I hopped up onto the back deck, covered myself with a life-jacket, popped open the livewell lid and dropped ol' muddy right into the port box. Pretty slick I thought till I realized I had no squatwipe. Well, my skivs were ruined anyhow so I used what was left of them. I put a few bullet weights in the skivs, tossed them over the side and gave them a good salute as they sank slowely toward the bottom.

While I was digging through a storage box for a minnow net to release ol' muddy I heard a boat pull up. NO KIDDING, it was THE MAN! He asked how I was doin' and I told him I was just "hangin'". He went through the usual routine, life jacket, fishing license, etc.. Then he asked if he could look in my live-well. I stuttered in disbelief that I hadn't caught any fish and said "you don't have to look in there do ya"? He got real suspicious and a little snotty. I took offense to his attitude and said alright, then pointed to the port live- well lid. He opened the lid, stared in for a moment, slammed the lid down, looked up at me and said, "what the HELL is that"? I said "sir, that is a mud-shark. I'll put it on the rule if you want but I'm pretty sure it'll measure". The scowl on his face was PRICELESS! He hopped out of my rig, mumbled that he would write a ticket for that if he could and tore off. Laughing myself to tears I took the minnow net and released ol' muddy over a brush-pile. I "hung out" in the cove for a while longer and went home. That live-well is pretty comfy. I may just have to install a magazine rack in my boat.

[USMC 1974]

Someone needs to get Jerry T to tell his Tragedy on the river......When he told it at the NC Rally I almost Fell off the catwalk laughing so hard

[Super Ron]

Here's the scenario: My son is at the time is 4 years old and up stairs. My wife is being a good wife and making my dinnner . And I am watching Nascar. So my son starts calling for him mom to come up stairs. Since she is busy I said I will go check on him since he sounds like he needs help.

When I go up stairs he is sitting up the pooper. I open up the door and there is ( I am not stretching the truth) crap shot up the toilet seat, up his back, up the wall, all over the the shower curtain, in the sink, hanging like 10 in long stalactites from the ceiling. There is more poop on the walls that could possibly come out of 10 human beings. I almost hurled right there. I looked into my sons eyes, shut the door and walked away. He didn't even know what to think. I walked down stairs, went into the kitchen took the cooking utensils from the wife and started cooking. She asked what was I doing? I told her, this was a mommy moment. Because if I had to clean up that mess, then we were just going to pack up and move. To this day I do not know how it is humanly possible for that much poop to come out of one person even if that person weighed 600 lbs.

[ChrisH]

cmon Ron, grow a set. thats what dads are for.

a few weeks ago i took little man up to his bathroom to give him a bath. he likes to play for a long time in the tub so the urge hit me so i just dropped them while he was playing. a few minutes later he said "daddy, whats that?" usually when he asks me that he knows what it is so i didnt even look up. i just said "i dunno buddy, what is it" usually at this point he will answer me but all he said was "ummmm". i didnt think anything of it and a few seconds later he said "daddy, look!" as he threw a floater out of the tub onto the rug. well, i wiped up fast and fished out another one and took him downstairs for another bath.

[catchatoad]

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by TNT &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">

I said "sir, that is a mud-shark. I'll put it on the rule if you want but I'm pretty sure it'll measure". The scowl on his face was PRICELESS!</TD></TR></TABLE>


LMAO at the Mudshark story?

[Walleye1875]

The mudshark story is the best...

[ch]

SON-OF-A-B@%#*!!!!!!! My sides hurt & im crying! I just stumbled onto this post &... FUNNY!!! I swear if i laugh any harder im gonna have a "bingo dobbin the unds" story of my own! Im bout to pizz myself now!

[UglyBug]

True story

Ok picture this. I always keep a role of TP in the boat because you never know. Several years ago my wife made me some chilly. not you everyday chilly I mean the stuff that will peel the wallpaper. Never dawned on me at the time what might happen so here I was out on the lake on a cold rainy fall day in a full bib rainsuit when nature dosen't just call but trumpets its arrival. I had little choice but to make for a small island while trying to hold back the tide I knew was on its way. Well I made it to the island with no time to spare and my jacket off but was clinching the bum cheeks so hard to prevent an accident that I had a hard time lifting my leg over the gunwal and lost my footing landed in the lake and was laughing so hard at my self well lets just say that rainsuit was not used again..

[Popeye]

Shortly after Boot Camp and while assigned to my first ship some of my shipmates decided to go to a men’s club. Having never been to one I tagged along. After a few beers, the Navy chow started moving, seriously moving. Doing the step, step squeeze, step, step squeeze march to the men’s room I knew I had “leakage”. I made it to the stall and dropped my pants and skivvies (ugh!, what a mess) and proceeded to perform a bottom blow on my boiler mud drum. What I failed to realize was not only did the stall have no toilet paper; there were no paper towels in the dispenser. I thought about flushing the toilet and dipping my hands in there to wash my azz but the toilet wouldn’t flush. So I took off my soiled Fruit of the Looms and finished wiping with them. After I had done that I realized I was wearing skivvies from Boot Camp that had my last name stenciled on them. Having no knife or other sharp object to cut the stencil off, I ended up biting through the elastic waistband to be able to remove the incriminating evidence.

There, I've admitted it.

[ChrisH]

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by flounderhead59 &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">Shortly after Boot Camp and while assigned to my first ship some of my shipmates decided to go to a men’s club. Having never been to one I tagged along. After a few beers, the Navy chow started moving, seriously moving. Doing the step, step squeeze, step, step squeeze march to the men’s room I knew I had “leakage”. I made it to the stall and dropped my pants and skivvies (ugh!, what a mess) and proceeded to perform a bottom blow on my boiler mud drum. What I failed to realize was not only did the stall have no toilet paper; there were no paper towels in the dispenser. I thought about flushing the toilet and dipping my hands in there to wash my azz but the toilet wouldn’t flush. So I took off my soiled Fruit of the Looms and finished wiping with them. After I had done that I realized I was wearing skivvies from Boot Camp that had my last name stenciled on them. Having no knife or other sharp object to cut the stencil off, I ended up biting through the elastic waistband to be able to remove the incriminating evidence.

There, I've admitted it. </TD></TR></TABLE>