Poison ivy is ok, but nettles will really get your attention!
Poison ivy is ok, but nettles will really get your attention!
<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by Wheels »</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">May as well post this...it's considered a classic, it's long so I'll put the hyperlink in instead.
The Ryan's Steakhouse Incident
(If you haven't read this -- you're really missing out!!!)
(and just in case you were wondering - no, this isn't about me)
http://home.kc.rr.com/emison/ryans.html</TD></TR></TABLE>
Alot of the technical details of that story were true .
I work at Lowes and once had to deal with the aftermath of someones chit storm. I was told by my supervisor that the womens bathroom needed some attention, check the stall with caution tape on the door. I go in to evaluate the situation, not good. Like in the story someone managed to cover the toilet and 2 walls . I got a hose and commenced to blasting. After several minutes of spraying with hot water I went to work with the mop to get the stubborn spots. After that I left the caution tape up and left the finesse work of sanitizing the facility for the janitor to address the next morning. Still dont know why he selected me for this job but I really wanted to kick his arse.
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Neil Eckberg- Cary, NC - 2008 Skeeter ZX250- 250 Yamaha SHO
Kerr Lake Ba$$hole
Good friend and Brother CR fishing a hump in middle of lake, werein their butts out
Little brother 6-5 400# has to go, Big brother tells him he aint jumping in the lake and scaring off his fish so he pulls out a towel does his business on towel throws it back in splash well area. Fast foward (forgot about the towel) an hour later when they decide to head in, going about 60 and all the S*** thats in that towel starts to fly around the boat, cant get away from it.....
OK, BigCheese will appreciate this one. Last year at the TN Rally, Cheese came up at the 1st of the week before anyone got there. We were drinking quite a bit and started walking down to the boat slips. I had the farts, so we were laughing everytime I let one fly. I asked him if he ever lost faith in a fart, he said no I just looked at him said I was in trouble I ran as fast as I could up to the room and showered off
He had the coals going from our cookout, so I decided to give my underwear a proper cremation. Well, it smoked the entire place up with aweful smelling smoke
See, you guys that came to the TN Rally never knew which grill to use
Buddy gave me a raft of stuff one time for putting a roll in his boat one morning, offered to sell it to him that afternoon for $20 and could have got it if I had held out I put a roll inside the new plastic coffee cans and then put it inside a small plastic bucket that that waterless handwipes come in, comes in handy for a portapotty so my partner does not have to hang her cute little butt over the side. Also convenient for these urban lakes where there is no privacy, when you have kids or when the water temp is 40 and falling over would ruin your day. I'll save you the story of my buddy who had his son take a dump in the livewell! Also of my brother who used a small sapling for TP
I can tell you right now better make sure and keep the TP in ziplock and keep it closed. Over time this stuff can get where it won't hold together to well and you are left using the boxers you had on.
Dropping off the kids at the pool used to be my favorite saying until I heard "Man I gotta go, I am growing a Monkey Tail" If that does not put a funny graphic in your head I don't know what will.
Sausage Gravy, Bacon, and eggs cooked in the bacon grease is a recipe for disaster. You add a couple of cups of coffee then put a chew in makes you a ticking time bomb!! You eat this and you can enter a poop for distance contest.
http://www.billymarlin.net
\"If at first you don\'t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn\'t for you!\"
I was fishing a draw tourney with a guy I'd never met. We where fishing a drop in the middle of Ky lake when the pain hit me. I didn't know if I could make it to the bank, so I hung over the back of the boat using the motor to keep my balance. A few boats pass by but I can't stop the chum slick I'm leaving. All the non-boater who drew me could talk about to his buds at the weigh-in was me going off the back of the boat.
P.S. Had big fish off that spot. Must have been the chum.
SIMMONS CUSTOM BOATS
Anderson Services LLC
" Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't"
Bring Back Gluten!!!
That is absolutely hilarious. Wasn't the best idea to read it at work. I was laughing so hard the boss came running. I thought I was busted but after reading the Ryan's Steakhouse incident and the jogging story he was laughing just as hard and forwarded it around the building.
I still can't imagine having your date come to the rescue. I don't think I would be married to my wife if I did that right now let alone have gotten married if she had to go through that.
Well I guess since we are all telling our stories I can go ahead and tell you mine. Remember this was a very, very long time ago (1987) and I am not proud of this at all.
On Senior skip day the whole school would head out to lake Whitney (Texas) and go hang out by the cliffs. They were only about 20-25 feet tall and you would spend all day jumping off and just having a good time and trying not to get hurt. Well after eating a bunch of BBQ sandwiches with tons of Tabasco on them it was inevitable that, as someone said before, the "Demon" would start knocking on my door. I got up and started to look for a place to get rid of this thing. After much walking around and having to stop and bear the pain of the Demon it was obvious to me there was no place to go. I began to panic because I was about to loose control in front of everyone. It was at this point I came up with the stupidest idea I could have thought of. I ran as fast as I could and jumped off the cliff into the water. I had a friend floating on tube and I swam over to him and told him not to move or say anything and just pretend that we are talking. Remember their are hundreds of people in the water next to me and lining the cliffs for as far as I can see. Any way I pulled my pants down and began to release the demon. Man did I feel much better, till I noticed that I release a "floater"!!!!! And a big one, too. Would have made anyone proud. I never thought that it would not sink to the bottom of the lake. Anyway, my friend who had no idea what I was doing notice the log floating away from the tube and stood up on it and yelled as loud as he could "HE CRAPPED IN THE LAKE!!!!!!!!!" I was yelling back at him to shut up and everyone would think it is just a stick. Well, it was too late. I had hundreds of people point from the cliffs pointing at me screaming "LOOK I CAN SEE THE TURD AND THAT DUDE DID IT" and laughing. Man I just wanted to drown myself but bucked up and swam over to the cliffs and climbed up with my hands raised in triumph. What else could I do? I then grabbed my stuff and headed home. 19 years later I still get embarrassed thinking about it but it is funny.
God bless,
Stephen
<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by fishingmarlin »</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">
Sausage Gravy, Bacon, and eggs cooked in the bacon grease is a recipe for disaster. You add a couple of cups of coffee then put a chew in makes you a ticking time bomb!! You eat this and you can enter a poop for distance contest.</TD></TR></TABLE>
That is no chit! (no pun intended )
Here's a sure fire way to relieve constipation cramps:
Idle out to a remote area of the lake. Unbuckle trousers. Connect the safety lanyard to your shoe laces. Take one Tablespoon of Bass Boat Saver. Immediately engage wide open throttle. As soon as boat reaches maximum speed drop drawers; stand up in seat; ... and just let 'er go!
Caution: Don't try this when pulling a skier.
First of all, I got more stories to add to this than there is space......Lets just put it this way, I used to keep toilet paper in the truck of my car, glovebox, under the seat, and some in my pocket.....Cause you never know when or how often its gonna come......
Oh yeah.....It was not a good idea to read this thread while on a conference call at work.....I almost hurt myself trying not to laugh out loud.....HAHA
Used red JIF jars are super for many many uses... one holds my TP and the smallest size holds my boat paperwork/licenses/spare fuses plus $15 for emergencies... been this way for the past 3 years.
2018 Z19/200 Optimax 2 stroker 24x3 Fury Ultrex 112
Lowrance HDS 12/9 Lives with 3 in 1 ducers
<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by reelman »</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">Used red JIF jars are super for many many uses... one holds my TP and the smallest size holds my boat paperwork/licenses/spare fuses plus $15 for emergencies... been this way for the past 3 years.</TD></TR></TABLE>
That's a good tip in and of itself. Not quite big enough to drop a load in though.
<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by Jiggernaut »</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">
That's a good tip in and of itself. Not quite big enough to drop a load in though. </TD></TR></TABLE>
That's where I thought he was headed, too.
Alan
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Free men are not equal. Equal men are not free.