I stocked the boat last month with a half roll of soft paper towels, not sure which brand. Fast forward to 5:30 am this past Sunday, in the middle of nowhere, and it was a cold morning too. I'm at least 15 miles from the nearest restroom and my stomach was letting me know there was some business that needed tending to. I managed to make my deposit on the grass shoulder,make myself presentable, and start heading to the truck. As soon as I open the door, a county sheriff pulls up behind me and asks if everything is ok. Told him that I hit a raccoon or a opossum and was checking to see is it damaged the trailer tire. Thankful he didn't show up about 30 seconds sooner.
This past summer 1 July night on Dale Hollow after eating dinner at my brother in-laws we decide to go out an try out the greenlight for some crappie an walleyes.Well after picking him up an having to drive right past my house my stomach started to churn something fierce so I made a quick pit stop an all seemed well so off to the water.
So we get set up along this steep bluff wall,greenlight out an here it comes again an it's not going to wait,have you ever seen someone 6'3 265 trying to take a dump in a coffee can? Let me tell you it ain't easy but it can be done!!! Well both of us are laughing till we have tears an the my brother in-law gets a big wiff an starts to gag,so he's leaning over the trolling motor gagging an rips a big ole wet one right into his shorts it goes...Both of us standing in the boat with our pants around our ankles wipeing our backsides,an praying nobody comes along with a spotlight...Jboch
My dad used to say "going to see a man about a horse". Lol I haven't heard it in years. He also taught me to keep a roll in everything. Me and my little brother "bombed Tokyo" off of the hydrofoil one day right after each other. I was soooo hungover. Good times! Dropping bombs...man turd....coil over.....diarrhea chachacha.
Nothing can top these but everyone seems to have one. Mine is two fold. Fist is my Dad. He was getting older and had an issue with his bowels. When he started squirming you better hurry cause it was about to be launched. He wanted to go fishing so I hired a guide. The only lake close was over 2 hours away. Got to the lake and I told the guide if he needs to go he really needs to go. We had fished most of the day and Dad was cold so the guide lent him is brand new set of gortex bibs to keep him warm. Well we are in less than two minutes from the Marina when dad raised his voice and said " feller you had better find a bathroom" I had told the guide that what ever he did when that command was given beach the boat right now as we are in for trouble if we don't. Dad made it out of the boat and started up the ramp to the facilities. I looked at the guide who was a friend of mine and said "how much did you pay for those bibs?" Why he asked and I said " Dad won't make it out of them before the s*$# hits the fan.
The facility was a very nice out house building with no running water. Dad took forever, we had the boat loaded and I had paid my buddy and we still hadn't seen him. I look up and about 50 yards away here comes dad with the yellow bibs over his shoulder. They were black when he went in. He didn't make it. Filled up the waders, his pants, shorts, shoes. He had tried to clean the floor with anything he was wearing. Wrapped my finger with a wet wipe, held it under my nose for the two hour ride home. Lost most of my lunch when he made to the truck so just gagged the rest of the way. FYI when taking the elderly make sure you carry at least one change of clothes and a couple of towels.
Second story is about a duck hunt some years ago. Three of us in a pit blind and it was bitterly cold. Had the heaters going full blast and one of us was just like a clock. At 7:05 on the money he left and went to the weeds every time with out fail. Well we knew his schedule so we were ready most of the time. This morning was slow right up until 7:00 then here they came. We couldn't keep a gun loaded. We looked over at our buddy and he is starting to squirm. it was about 5 minutes after the usual time when he couldn't stand it any longer he started up the ladder and we had more ducks on the way in. He made two more attempts to exit the blind but we wouldn't let him leave as we hadn't had shooting like this in quite a while. Finally the action stopped and up the ladder he went. Made it to the top step and paused. Started back down the ladder and turned to us and said "never mind" I am glad it was so cold and he had on chest highs and I had a length of rope and some 100mhp tape.
Keep the roll in a plastic ziplock bag a flatten the roll.
I have had the roll take a dive off the engine top as I was "in position".
Always keep baby wipes in the saddlebag on my Harley too.
Pee bottle gets more use however.
Put the TP roll in a used empty large peanut butter jar...
also before leaving for the lake the night before take 2 paper towels, fold and put into back pocket or some pocket...
multiple uses beyond the obvious...
(you may also keep 2 sheets of paper towel folded in that jar...)
BTW, a large dark tough plastic glass (24-32 ounces) in the boat makes for easy private P when near docks etc that may have people around....been doing these posted suggestions for many years...
Shortly after Lake Ray Roberts opened I was fishing in some very thick timber. The PAIN hit me and it was immediate. The bad thing was, I could not see the shore. It was at least 20 minutes away if that. My boat was almost brand new. I had my roll, so I trolled over to this giant hardwood tree and up it I went and found a very nice fork to sit in about 10 feet up. Had to make sure it was upwind so that the boat would not drift underneath me.
I have other stories. BM's are important in my family.
Years ago A buddy and I were hunting one morning on my grandparents' farm. When we came out of the woods and asked "see anything?" My buddy said "Yep, at about 10 a little white truck pulled off the road and you grandad came running into the woods and took a $#!t within bow range." After we stopped laughing I asked why he didn't say anything and he said he figured he was a guest and wasn't about to tell Granddad he couldn't do that on his property if he darn well pleased. Plus he said it seemed pretty urgent and he doubted he could have made it to another spot in time. I never told my granddad about it as I thought he might not find it so funny.