Keep a roll in the boat

[fishinok]

Lmfao!! You guys are full of shit!!

[Basscat528]

yea that reminds me I was fishing a club turney at the beautiful lake west point in ga and about 930 me and my partner rolled into a cove not to far from yellow jacket. We started to crank and winding and the pain hit me and of course I puckered up and told my partner to come to the front and run the trolling motor. unbeknownst to me but not only had he never ran a trolling motor before but was his first turney. so im running the fortrex on 100% and just before im fixin to have him pull the motor up and beach the boat we are about 10 foot from the bank and as he reaches for the pull rope he rotates his foot downwards trowing the boat sideways and me having to perform a well executed swat roll from about 5 feet out. needless to say the TP never saw the water and the only damage was when a stick went into my wiping hand at my wrist. wow what an experience
























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[2froggy]

[wildkat7]

My abs hurt from laughing so hard......

[billnorman1]

I hate to add something serious among all this frivolity, but I ALWAYS take a big slug of Pepto-Bismol straight from the bottle on tournament days and pop an anti-diarrhea pill or two. Another thing, I have found that any type of cola beverage encourages the Mud Shark visit, they contain caffeine, caramel and carbon dioxide (frizzy bubbles).

[Fish Boy]

Just came across this thread and well yah im gonna add my 2¢ lol.

Tournament day or any other serious fishin day my diet consists of Gatorade and cheese curds because welp it clogs ya up!

Now for my crappy story after a night of heavy drinking amd a 30 pack of pbr gone we decided to go fishin on a 100 degree day with water temps of about 90 amd well the heat got to us amd the pooh train hit us both i went skinny dipping and swam away from the mud sharks as fast as i could akd my buddy went ovrr the side of the boat amd wiped with a teen people magazine and for the life of me i have no.idea how that magazine got in there?

Oh i keep a roll of those blue disposal shop rags in my boat amd truck they are tough amd even when wet your fingers wont poke through.

[monsterman]

my girl friend always wonders why i come home with no socks somtimes......lol

Uggh I've never broke down and used leaves. I've taken the sleeves off my shirts once or twice.

[high-ho]

I know a dude, who while fishing a spring club TX years ago, had a negative reaction to the greasy breakfast he'd consumed prior to takeoff. As stomach cramps set in, the decision was made to head for the nearest bank. But before they could reach shore, the boat ran aground on a shallow bar several yards from land. There was no other choice but to bale out and do the penguin shuffle through a foot of water in order to relieve his about to explode bowels. Upon reaching shore and urgently trying to get his pants down in time, he failed to notice the large Canadian goose sitting on a nearby nest. I don't know who was startled more, the goose, or the intruder when the goose attacked, but what ensued was described as mayhem. In an attempt to elude the charging beast the offender leaped forward tripped on the clothes bunched around his ankles then did a full face plant in the mud while continuing to experience an intestinal meltdown. When the honked off goose retreated to her nest, the guy covered in mud and fecal matter both human and goose, took a long bath in the lake before returning to his boat and his hysterical partner. They loaded the boat and went home as neither could regain enough composure to fish.

[herk91]

While stationed overseas in Germany, a fellow aviator had an incident in the front seat of an RF-4C Phantom. He and his backseater were out flying ACBT with an F-15 out of Bitburg, AB. The Phantom driver had been loading the airplane up and unloading the airplane with G's most of the morning. After pulling a few hard G's on the last maneuver, the Phantom driver promptly unloaded his bowels in the aircraft! That required a call to the squadron for his wife to bring him a clean flight suit, skivvies!! He never lived down that 'incident'.

[bonecollector1]

I've used the sock before.

One time I had to go so bad I thought I was about to bust my insides. I was in real pain and had doubled over in the boat to the point where I yelled "Sonny Jim" at the top of my lungs. My buddy took control of the trolling motor and luckily their were some bathroom houses close by. I make it to the bathroom house only to read "closed until spring". Son of a b**** I yelled! Still in sever pain, I am now desparate. I know that if I don't release this demon, it will release itself. I look around and see this old beat up white jacket on a picnic table. No one was nowhere near so I am assumed by the looks of it, that it has been there a while. I grab it! As soon as I do, I am in pain like never before. I don't even look to see if anyone is around. I drop my pants and chit comes shooting and flying out like a fire hose. Keep in mind I released the genie right in the middle of a walking/jogging trail next to a picnic table. To this day, I have no idea what I ate that was bad, but whatever it was, it gave me the worst case of the squirts I have ever had. I wipe with the old white jacket (I bet it took 10 wipes). Just as soon as I am releaved of the screaming demon and had my composure, I hear several voices coming up the trail. I sure heck didn't want to be around when they found the pile of liquid chit I left. So I threw the jacket back on the table and ran like I stole something. The voices that I had heard were joggers. They stopped at the picnic table. One of them saw the chit pile and soup and begin to grimace, gag, and point. The other person said, "And look! They used your jacket to wipe their ass!"

That's hilarious

[wconn]

I was flipping buck brush in the back of a creek on Toledo Bend when it hit me. I was no where near a boat lane and I knew I couldn't idle out and run to a rest room, so I started looking for a way to beach the boat. I saw an opening in the brush about 100 yards away, so I kicked the ol 101 up on high and headed for it. As I came to the opening and swung the boat into it, there sat a 10 foot gator sunning on the bank. That gator damn near knocked me out of the boat getting out of there. I beached the boat and ran back to the console grabbed the TP, and my .45. I copped my squat with the gun trained on the water. I was not going to be the red neck who got ate by a gator while he had his pants down.

[RazorCat]

I keep two rolls and a 3lb size Folgers plastic resealable coffee container in the boat. The plastic container works great for the females (wife and 3 granddaughters) since it seems they have to go #1 about 8 times in a 6 hour trip. Also works in a pinch (no pun intended) when you get the "bubble guts" and can't find a bank to get on. Precision aim is required. One TP roll is in a vacuum seal bag in my bilge mounted waterproof toolbox to prevent those "Uh-oh" moments.
Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it.

[reelman]

Keep inside a used peanut butter jar...those jars (3 sizes) have many great uses and are watertight!
BTW, fold 2 sheets of paper towel in the jar also with that half a roll of TP..its very very handy at times.

[Tarheel14]

dropping the kids off at the pool....
pinch a loaf......
release the hostages........
uncoil a butt snake...........

Taking browns to super bowl.
Baking a cake.
Building a log cabin.

How ya know its time to go.......
Turtles poking head out.
Gophers playin peek a boo.

[reelman]

I use a large used peanut butter jar for TP...got to say I use the sizes of peanut butter jars for many things in the boat...from plastics to hooks/wts...they are a SUPER TIP! Waterproof/float/clear and can write on the top...

[kcsteve]

Always keep a roll of TP in the boat that way when you run out at home you can go the the garage, fetch it from the boat and whaalaaa... you a happy camper again!!!

Be aware of embarassing skid marks before you return to the dock. I saw it happen on my buddy's boat.

[cfraser]

This is STILL the funniest Thread within the Forum!!!

[customdrills]

I have a bass room... Saved the day on more than one occasion. Portable Boat Bathroom Toilet Privacy System The Bassroom. Really works well for this kind of situation.

[Bassman Ia.]

The mudshark story is the best...

Yea it's Troy Jens, he said it really happened.

[dbuchmann]

As long as we're on the topic, here is a little more humor.
Try reading these out loud with some friends, hard to make it through all of them without crying from laughing so hard.

THE POOPIE LIST

Bathroom Humor at its finest:
Ghost Poopie: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie: This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie: The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log Poopie: The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
Corn Poopie: Self-explanatory.
Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie: The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
Spinal Tap Poopie: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.
Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water
Liquid Poopie: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Poopie: It smells so bad your nose burns.
The Surprise Poopie: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!
The Dangling Poopie: This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.