Taking care of elderly parent: Legal issues

[Chief Brody]

Probably brought up here already, apologies if so.

81 yr old mother living in her rented home with a family member with mild autism.

She has early onset Altzeimers and Dimentia. Recently in the hospital for 2 weeks and then in a personal care home for 3 more weeks after getting dizzy and falling. Diagnosis: too high sugar level. Need shots. Got healthier while there, physically.

She was completely miserable in there and pleaded to come back home. Said she would do what shes supposed to, health-wise. Said she would rather die than go back.

Now shes been home for about a month, and happier. But not doing what shes supposed to do with the sugar level. Combative to get jabbed every day.

Visiting nurse says her readings are too high again, recommends she goes back to hospital to repeat the last cycle. But mother is apparently happy still at home, and I dont want to volunteeringly send her back.

I know the moral implications. I just dont know the legal ones. Under what case would i, or someone else around her, get in legal trouble over this? I dont have power-of-attorney and none of us are a trained care-takers.

Thank you

[billspence]

There are attorneys that deal specifically in elder care. Talk to them.

[Chief Brody]

was hoping to get a little more info on it from someone that has gone thru this before talking to an attorney.

[ProVle]

Why no POA?

[jcyoung517]

Get a durable poa, On Monday I would get in touch with elder atty. Good luck. Laws have changed quite a bit in last 10 - 15 yrs ( to help protect elders )

[Chief Brody]

Why no POA?

she wont do it now after blaming me for "putting" her in that home the last time

[jbh3]

Very sorry to hear, but if you, or whomever, is going to be the primary person responsible for her care, you need to be getting some legal documents in order ASAP. In order to act in her behalf you will need medical and financial powers of attorney in place. If she has checking, savings, etc. accounts, you need to be on them. Does she have a will? Are you the executor? Does she have a living will? Some of these you can do online in Tennessee. Not sure about Pa. As mentioned above, consulting an attorney that specializes in elder care issues will probably be necessary. In addition, if you have some local social-service type agencies, they can be a big help. Some hard, but necessary, decisions will need to be made. I wish you all the best.

[jcyoung517]

In Ohio, we had to have my FIL declared incompetent. Then we was able to make all medical decisions for him.

[Chief Brody]

primary person responsible for her care

at what point would i be considered the person responsible for her care?

I guess this is at the heart of my question: if the visiting nurse recommends she go to the hospital, but none of make the call because its not what mom wants, then she dies, are we (or me) be legally liable as "abuse" or something similar?

[Ron H 520]

I can’t answer your question, but you do need POA. You need to visit an attorney on this, it’s for your benefit, as well as your mothers. I agree with the poster above, the sooner the better. If she will not allow you as a POA, do you have a brother or sister that will?

Prayers with you, I know it’s tough.

[tx_basser]

Had to get an POA on my father due to similar. Ultimately had to use threats to get him to change his tune. Same now.. refusing to shower so I said u shower or I will shower u myself. I go to his assisted living facility and help him shower each week and change clothes. I will say you gonna have to play hardball to get some peoples attention.

[jcyoung517]

Please reach out to a elder lawyer, You have many good questions. It can be quite a bit of stress, with your mom being in (early stages) that could come into play. My fil is at stage 5 Parkinsons disease w/ lewy body and stage 5 dementia. We are averaging 2-3 trips to ER a month and he is in memory care. Squad takes him,then they transfer back. Plus he falls at least once a day where he doesn’t require emer care( nurses are at facility ) Again , good luck to you and seek assistance

[rb]

This has been my life for the last 4 years.
Step 1: Someone needs POA.
Step 2: Your mother can say anything, but she has no mental capacity to remember it or do it.
Step 3: They can't make her go to the hospital or care unit
Step 4: Check on you state rules and laws for care. Check on hospice and Palliative care
Be prepare with mental issues what is mild as of right now can go to out of control in less than 24 hours. If at all possible get in a routine and STAY with it every day. Dad was doing good until he fell and broke his hip. It was during the Covid outbreak and we couldn't go in to see him only look in the window from outside. I pleaded with the to have the local news on in the morning and a baseball game on after that and what time to feed him. They did none of it. He was never the same after that

[BP in ME]

I went through this last summer but I'm not about to give advice on your situation. There are way to many variables and variances in state laws to be addressed in a fishing forum. Please get with a lawyer ASAP.

[Dixie-Raven]

It's her life so let her do want she wants!

[PSM207]

It's her life so let her do want she wants!

If you have never dealt with a cognitive impaired parent then you do not have a full understanding of the situation.

[jbh3]

at what point would i be considered the person responsible for her care?

I guess this is at the heart of my question: if the visiting nurse recommends she go to the hospital, but none of make the call because its not what mom wants, then she dies, are we (or me) be legally liable as "abuse" or something similar?

Sir, IMO you, or some other family member, needs to be designated as THE person in charge of her care and finances going forward and get started on getting the necessary documentation in place. As far as any "legally liability" questions, you'll need to get with that elder care lawyer in your area/state for those answers. No easy answers, I'm afraid.

[RonCat]

Consult a lawyer. My dad had to go to court to take over his mother’s affairs. Similar situation where she blamed him for everything, especially medical things like you are going through. Got pretty ugly for my dad, and without a court order, she would have put herself into a situation that led to a rapid demise (i.e., not taking meds).

Yes, it will cost you some $, but for my dad it was worth it.

[BP in ME]

It's her life so let her do want she wants!

Easier said than done. Once you watch someone making poor decisions that result in more pain and suffering you'd probably change your mind. My dad made decisions based on his doctor's opinions but he had diminished mental capacity going on at the same time. Turns out the doc was definitely wrong about some things which makes me wonder what else he was wrong about. None of us were allowed in on the medical decisions until end-of-life despite having POA. He was still pretty sharp until the final couple of weeks which would have made it difficult to intervene

[BP in ME]

Now shes been home for about a month, and happier. But not doing what shes supposed to do with the sugar level. Combative to get jabbed every day.

Just a couple final thoughts: is your mom insulin dependent or are the jabs just for blood samples? If it's the former, have you looked into insulin pumps?

How does your autistic relative play into this? Does someone need to step in there too?