Advice for an expecting father…

[XingEyeballs]

My wife and I are expecting our first child in October. We’ve made a lot of sacrifices first in life to be positioned very stable financially, careers, etc. Starting to talk about leave after the baby is born for me, if she’s going to go back to work, and those things.

Many fathers and grandfathers here on BBC, what mistakes did make would you do differently? What did you learn? What advice can you offer?

My Dad worked sunrise to sunset so my Mom could stay home with us and we could have the very basics, he did what he had to. Our relationship was also harder because of the stress.

Very exciting time but some serious changes coming, thanks all

[castforcash]

Take as much fmla time as allowed once the baby is born. I took all 12 weeks for both of my daughters unpaid and would do it again. Start getting extra sleep now, lol

[keeferfish]

Yes raise your own kids. Best day of my life is when I got my wife to quite her job.

[Meadows]

Catch up on sleep!

[cressie]

New mothers are under tremendous societal pressure to conform in many areas. Be ready to support your wife when she struggles with doubt. As fathers, we really cannot put ourselves in their shoes, as the changes their body and mind have gone through is something we will never experience, but we can be there to listen.

[mean_dean]

We didn't get our first one on a schedule until we learned we were having 2 more at the same time. It was very painful for us to get him to sleep through the night because of it. Once the twins came along we got them on a schedule right away and made a HUGE difference in our sanity.

Ask for help, get family/friends to help out when you need them, don't be afraid to ask for it.

Set date nights for the two of you so you don't get so caught up in the kiddo you drift apart or start to neglect each other, still need to enjoy each other as well as the baby.

[Almag6]

start stock pilin' diapers NOW

[bdog7198]

Take as much time as you can off at the time of birth.

Understand you will not know everything at first, there will be freak out moments. Everyone goes thru them.

take some time away not while you can to relax, things will be hectic for awhile.

do not forget to take care of yourselves too.

[Iowabass3826]

Lots of good advice so far!

[Phoenix Jim]

Trust me, set up some kind of investment, no matter how small, for the kid soon as they are born. It paid for my daughter’s college

[250bassFL]

It's different for everyone. To me it was the best thing that happened to me in life. And though I couldn't deal with his mom, I did all I could do as a father. Wasn't took to court ever for child support, it was always there. Lived life, but showed him I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him, while he wanted to spend time with me. They grow up way too fast, and when they become teens, they would rather do things with friends.
At 18 1/2 he thanked me for being me. Said he seen there is different ways to live. Not just getting drunk and fussing and fighting, like at his mom's place. And appreciated the way everything I give him was for him, to take and use as he pleased. He said most dads only let their kids have something if it stays at the dad's house, and they can use it while they are there. I would just drop it off on the porch, or just give it to him. Didn't want to try and be a burden in his mom's relationship. And he thanked me for not bad mouthing his mom, like she did me. I was proud he talked to me, and thanked me!
But, no matter what, he is part of me out there making a life in society. Loved him and did the best I could. May not agree with all his decisions. But still love him. Best thing that ever happened to me in my lifetime. And I have made some good accomplishments through my life, before getting messed up in a wreck in 2015. But he was the best! Part of me!

And as many are saying, some don't get much sleep for awhile.
It was that away for me as well. Because it was a number of months after he was born, before I told her I was going to Camp Mack for the weekend, take what you want and get out. And got home to a empty house and yard.

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[alpine4x4]

We just had our first in June. Be ready to not sleep. Wife is taking the full FMLA. I took some time off. Be aware that the FMLA may not pay your full wage. It only covered 63% of mine so I used vacation time and took less time off. Go for a schedule as soon as possible. You can almost set an alarm clock to the times our little guy eats now.

Do a diaper raffle at your baby shower. We have enough diapers we will most likely not have to buy any for this kid and will have some left over for the next.

Hope you have family or someone who can babysit close so you an get mom out and about. My wife was feeling claustrophobic being in the house all the time with the little one at first. As much as we love the little guy, the time away is fantastic for both of us and necessary.

[skeeterator]

As mentioned already, take all the time off you can when the baby is born cause mom will need some time to rest and recover. There's going to be a lot of late nights and early mornings either from feedings, ear aches, separation anxiety or general fussiness that you won't be able to diagnose. You're going to be busy too, making bottles, washing bottles, trips to the store for various baby stuff, diaper changes etc and it will all wear a person out if they're doing it solo so help out as much as possible. I took all 12 weeks last year when our daughter was born and was glad I was there to help out.

Take pics too, lots and lots of pics once the baby is home cause it'll only be that small for a short period of time. My daughter is 11 months old now and I can't believe how different she is vs just a few months ago, time truly flies. Your lives are about to become hectic and maybe even very frustrating but it's all worth it.

[Ship]

Get some sleep now. Enjoy every minute. Don't take a single minute for granted.

[krindgen]

Of the scenarios of both parents working and using daycare versus one parent staying home, I liked the second. Seems easier having someone at home to take care of things. Now, I was 37 when I had my first so I was slightly "more mature" in age and financial stability than normal aged parents.

[spinningreel]

Learn to take a deep breath, hold it until you complete the diaper change.

Gotta work fast!

[MikeTTI]

Sometimes it takes a village. Do be afraid to ask for help from whomever you trust.

[magfluker]

You will make mistakes, learn from them. We take our kids everywhere. They were on our schedule from the get-go. They'll sleep and eat when they need to when on the go. They are a lot more durable than you may think. When things get tough, they will, dig deep and persevere. It is quite euphoric when they are first born, it's amazing. Favorite age has been 10-14 months

[Meadows]

Take as much time as you can off at the time of birth.

Understand you will not know everything at first, there will be freak out moments. Everyone goes thru them.

take some time away not while you can to relax, things will be hectic for awhile.

do not forget to take care of yourselves too.

This one is very important. My wife dealt with some depression once I went back to work and she was constantly stressed out because we were first time parents. We learned with our 2nd one that you have to remember to take care of yourself or it will make it even harder to take care of your kids.

Another thing is.... especially with 1st one - you'll hear a thousand different opinions from people on what to do. Take those with a grain of salt. Listen and take advice, but also use your instincts.

[ram1076]

Patience first and foremost