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I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."
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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed and shoots his friend dead.
Wife says, "If you continue to behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"
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My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
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Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
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The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.
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I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when your wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant and . . .
Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our gardener ran away.
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A women asks a man who is travelling with six children, "Are all these kids yours?"
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".
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A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."
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Nominated as the best short joke this year...
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
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