Obituary Question?

[xcoach]

This is maybe true and I covered that when I said privacy. However, if you are out with a buddy or two and the topic comes up about Joes passing what is the first question asked, "Man I wonder how he died or what happened to cause him to pass since he seemed to be in good health!"

On the flip side you turn on the news and actor so and so died from a drug overdose, suicide, car crash, etc. or man down the street died in car crash or gun shot wound or …..

By putting it out there the family doesn't have to keep addressing it every time they bump into someone and the question gets asked multiple times and they have to relive it over and over maybe.

Good point.

[hugo_stiglitz]

Funerals are as wasteful as weddings. Its poor and regular folks trying to emulate the ceremonies of the wealthy. My explicit instructions are cremation, for which even that the cost is absurd, and keep the ashes in a cheap as possible container until disposal in a manner my survivors choose.

I cant understand how spending 10k or more just to wind up decaying along with your expensive container in a useless spot of dirt with a useless rock marking it, is supposed be a good thing. All of it stupidly overpriced as well.

[Dixie-Raven]

Funerals are as wasteful as weddings. Its poor and regular folks trying to emulate the ceremonies of the wealthy. My explicit instructions are cremation, for which even that the cost is absurd, and keep the ashes in a cheap as possible container until disposal in a manner my survivors choose.

I cant understand how spending 10k or more just to wind up decaying along with your expensive container in a useless spot of dirt with a useless rock marking it. All of it stupidly overpriced as well.

I completely agree and as far as I'm concerned the buzzards and maggots can have a buffet on me as I would be dead and don't care. I'd rather the money go to something more worthwhile and useful. However state and or federal law mandates otherwise mainly due to prevention of the spread of disease I would imagine. Still cost is absurd!

[bilgerat]

Funerals are as wasteful as weddings. Its poor and regular folks trying to emulate the ceremonies of the wealthy. My explicit instructions are cremation, for which even that the cost is absurd, and keep the ashes in a cheap as possible container until disposal in a manner my survivors choose.

I cant understand how spending 10k or more just to wind up decaying along with your expensive container in a useless spot of dirt with a useless rock marking it, is supposed be a good thing. All of it stupidly overpriced as well.

Agree 100%

I wanted a Viking funeral ... soak me with kerosene, put me on something that floats (my canoe would be fine), shove me off and shoot flaming arrows at me until I go up like a refinery fire. Against the law

I'd settle for cremation and a coffee can.

[dean c]

Funerals are as wasteful as weddings. Its poor and regular folks trying to emulate the ceremonies of the wealthy. My explicit instructions are cremation, for which even that the cost is absurd, and keep the ashes in a cheap as possible container until disposal in a manner my survivors choose.

I cant understand how spending 10k or more just to wind up decaying along with your expensive container in a useless spot of dirt with a useless rock marking it, is supposed be a good thing. All of it stupidly overpriced as well.

[Ben Danbleume]

I have been a licensed funeral director in the state of Pa.for over 41 years. Please let me correct some of the things that have been posted. First the obituary is almost always submitted by the funeral home as 99% of newspapers won't accept it from a relative of the deceased . The obit is normally reviewed by the family prior to submission for mistakes or missing information. The cost is listed under cash advances and is not part of the charges for services. If a funeral director is following the law the FTC (Federal Trade Comm.) requires you at time of arrangements to go over all charges with the party responsible for payment and have a contract signed at that point and a copy is given to the family. With regard to JR19's breakdown of pricing there are many different pricing options depending on what the state requires and also what the funeral home chooses to do. Unit pricing, itemized, package. Again all this has to be reviewed and agreed upon prior to any services. The original post about why the cause of death is not listed most times is just a family preference.

Must be a state thing, I wrote and submitted obituaries for my Mom and Dad, all I had to decide was whether I wanted to pay to have them published, in certain papers.

[RazorCat]

Maybe it’s nobodys business. If you are close enough to the family, you’ll know what happened.

My thoughts exactly. If the family wants everyone to know, they'll specify cause of death in the obit.

[okhawg]

This is maybe true and I covered that when I said privacy. However, if you are out with a buddy or two and the topic comes up about Joes passing what is the first question asked, "Man I wonder how he died or what happened to cause him to pass since he seemed to be in good health!"

On the flip side you turn on the news and actor so and so died from a drug overdose, suicide, car crash, etc. or man down the street died in car crash or gun shot wound or …..

By putting it out there the family doesn't have to keep addressing it every time they bump into someone and the question gets asked multiple times and they have to relive it over and over maybe.

I totally agree. As far as funerals go, my wife and I want to be cremated and put in the cheapest urn they have. Spread our ashes somewhere with a nice view.

[Bueller]

More than 30 years ago, I was a recent college grad with a degree in Journalism. I worked in the newspaper business for a few years, and writing obits is typically the work of new journalists. I'd say I probably wrote 75 or so over a few years. Here's the way it was back then, and I'd bet it's pretty close now:

Obits for "regular" folks are written by a family member, friend, etc. Often the funeral home would lend a hand, proofread, etc. Most folks have never written an obit, so, they simply read other obits to provide direction. That's the reason that most obits read almost exactly the same--there's a very basic "copy this" formula.

The family, funeral home, etc. then submits it to the newspaper, along with a check based on the specs the newspaper provides. Want a photo? That's extra--quite a bit extra. The longer the obit, the more it costs. Sunday is the most expensive day and Saturdays are the cheapest. Paying for obits was just catching on when I was in the biz. Prior to that, it was typically seen as a public service.

For prominent or notable people (long time restaurant owners, retired politicians, school principals, etc.) the newspaper would often write an obit/news article on the death. The reporter would try to get the basics from the funeral home and then call the family for more detail. In my experience, making that phone call was either the best part of the day or the worst. People were either excited to tell you the life story of their Dad or in such grief they couldn't function.

For the original question as to the cause of death, the basic premise of an obit is to celebrate a life, not publicize a death. You will see on occasion,"passed away after a courageous battle with kidney cancer," but not that often. But, there are typically clues for the reader: "Died after a brief illness," is usually code for a stroke, pancreatic cancer or something that came on fast and took the life fast. "Died unexpectedly" (which is journalistically preferred over suddenly) is almost always code for a heart attack. "Died after a long illness" typically means cancer. "Died tragically" is code for an accident or suicide.

For the best clue as to cause of death, the very end of the obit is where the family thanks those who helped or asks that remembrances (cash) be sent to a particular cause, such as The Lymphoma and Leukemia Association, American Heart Association, American Lung Association, etc.

Hope that helps.

[Hoot]

I hate to tell anything humorous on a somber thread like this however maybe it might lighten the mood a little....

I know two brothers that are in my age group and they had bought their Dad after he was widowed his favorite car a Gold Colored PT Cruiser. He loved that car drove it all over the place joined the National PT Cruiser Club went to all the conventions, shows, rallies made hundreds of new friends living life to the fullest until he passed away in his 90's.

They wanted to bury him in a casket that was the same color as his beloved car going through quite a search finally finding one that matched the color. The cost of shipping it just made it even more expensive. They buried Dad in his matching PT Cruiser Jacket with all the commemorative pins he had collected.

They were telling me about the funeral weeks later and the long search for the casket plus how expensive it was....I said wouldn't it have been cheaper just to bury him in the PT Cruiser considering it wasn't even close to being worth that much?

I was afraid of upsetting them by not being more sensitive but they both busted out laughing.... The brothers went on to tell me they extensively explored that option but the miles of red tape regulations, the cost of building a custom made vault, finding a burial spot that would even allow it plus the cost of readying the car made it next to impossible. One of his grandsons has the car and considers it a family heirloom so keeps it garaged. His Grandpa would be proud.

[Mark Perry]

You can Google "How To Submit an Obituary" and a ton of links come up for newspapers all across the country come up each with instructions on how a family member or person can do so. Many charge a fee.

[xcoach]

This has been a morbid thread.

[LTZ25]

Maybe it’s nobodys business. If you are close enough to the family, you’ll know what happened.

That’s a great point .

[Cajunhunter67]

I would think most of it is the change in the culture of society. Allow the family to grieve while being respectful to those that have passed with a brief narrative of who they are.
Back in the 20's when many of the Chicago gangsters where killed, they would display the body in a window for thousands to walk by and view.
After Bonnie and Clyde were shot they moved the car with their bodies in it to the town. People cut hair from them and one person tried to cut off the trigger finger of Clyde.
Times have changed.

Don

[rexran]

Or maybe the family might not want it disclosed.

This. Sometimes it's TMI.

[ezfishn]

Depends on the newspapers, funeral home, and family. It can range from nothing to just a death notice (date and memorial services) to a bibliography determined by the family. Most newspapers won't print it for free.

[bossbowman]

I want to die like my grandpa - peacefully in my sleep, not screaming like the passengers in the car ...

that is so wrong

[LewStulePH.D.]

Funerals are as wasteful as weddings.

This is when it pays to be a Hindu...

borrow some red lipstick and You're set..


According to Hindu funeral customs, the body remains at the home until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. The ashes are typically scattered at a sacred body of water or at some other place of importance to the deceased. At the service, referred to as a wake, mourners may dress casually.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antyesti

Pushtidham Haveli- Ocala

[ChampioNman]

This is when it pays to be a Hindu...

borrow some red lipstick and You're set..


According to Hindu funeral customs, the body remains at the home until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. The ashes are typically scattered at a sacred body of water or at some other place of importance to the deceased. At the service, referred to as a wake, mourners may dress casually.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antyesti

Pushtidham Haveli- Ocala

either that or an Apache or Viking....

[QUAKEnSHAKE]

I totally agree. As far as funerals go, my wife and I want to be cremated and put in the cheapest urn they have. Spread our ashes somewhere with a nice view.

Yep no services for wife and I either cremation for both of us. I took my sons to the spot I want our ashes to be dispersed. That spot is where I caught my largest bass. Spot hopefully will change this year.