Sad story of mental illness

[catjuggin]

Our neighbor I have known for 22 years since I moved in to the neighborhood. He’s an architect and a bit of a recluse. He loves my wife and they always chat and shoot the breeze when she get the mail. He always wants to feed our animals if we go away for a couple of days. We pay him with tomatoes and squash.
he has been more reclusive lately and somewhat disoriented when talking with my wife. This evening he went off on her, unprovoked and cursed and screamed at her.
I went over and knocked just to see if he may talk with me. He screamed and cursed through the door about calling his lawyer and police.
I just backed off and we called his niece who lives here, he has no other relatives living. She called the police to do a wellness check for him. I spoke with the dispatch later and she said he refused to open his door for the officer and was uncooperative.
she said there is nothing they can do but drive by and periodically check on him. It’s sad because this behavior isn’t him. He is a nice guy, weird but kind and always loved my wife.
we only hope he settles down and comes back around to “normal”. I don’t know if he is off meds or has had a small stroke or what, but it is so frustrating to not be able to do anything and so sad that he has no one else to help.

[mattmann7]

Our neighbor I have known for 22 years since I moved in to the neighborhood. He’s an architect and a bit of a recluse. He loves my wife and they always chat and shoot the breeze when she get the mail. He always wants to feed our animals if we go away for a couple of days. We pay him with tomatoes and squash.
he has been more reclusive lately and somewhat disoriented when talking with my wife. This evening he went off on her, unprovoked and cursed and screamed at her.
I went over and knocked just to see if he may talk with me. He screamed and cursed through the door about calling his lawyer and police.
I just backed off and we called his niece who lives here, he has no other relatives living. She called the police to do a wellness check for him. I spoke with the dispatch later and she said he refused to open his door for the officer and was uncooperative.
she said there is nothing they can do but drive by and periodically check on him. It’s sad because this behavior isn’t him. He is a nice guy, weird but kind and always loved my wife.
we only hope he settles down and comes back around to “normal”. I don’t know if he is off meds or has had a small stroke or what, but it is so frustrating to not be able to do anything and so sad that he has no one else to help.

Tough situation. Went through a similar period with my dad. He had 3 minor strokes and over time, dementia set in. Eventually caused his death. My 2 sisters were in touch with him daily. He put them through holy hell.

[Mick2268]

If this has been a sudden change in behavior I would think police would have the right to make contact. Only sane and sober people can refuse medical treatment. If he's not of a right mind, then he can't make decisions for himself. I would call my local EMS.

[tdt91]

Brain tumors will cause people to change like that.

[Ratltrap]

My neighbor was doing something like that several years ago, I did call his daughter who lived several states away and finally she made it here and had him checked out medically. He was in the early stages of Alzheimer's, it was quite the ordeal for his daughter to legally take his life over, sell his house and move him back to her home in Mississippi, bless his heart he never lasted but a few months. Please don't give up on him, so many people with this problem don't have a clue as to what they are doing or why they are doing it. He should at least be evaluated to rule it out if possible.

[Coastal Mountaineer]

Does he own guns? Seriously, he could be a danger to himself, you and your family. Either way, I would not let this go without taking more action. For his sake as well.

[catjuggin]

I called his niece and spoke with her and I called the police department and they were so great. The dispatcher spent several minutes discussing this with me and asked an officer with crisis intervention training to go do a wellness check on him. She called me back and filled me in. He refused to open the door and apparently is not connected that his behavior is way off. The police were very professional and very kind, but they can only so much and apparently he doesn’t want any help of interference.
I am going to take a fruit basket to him and a kind note today and leave it for him without any confrontation. I don’t know what else we can do. I’m not upset about his behavior, only concerned for his wellbeing. Sad deal and I hope to update later with better news.

[billnorman1]

off. The police were very professional and very kind, but they can only so much and apparently he doesn’t want any help of interference.
I am going to take a fruit basket to him and a kind note today and leave it for him without any confrontation. I don’t know what else we can do. I’m not upset about his behavior, only concerned for his well being. Sad deal and I hope to update later with better news.

I think if I was in this exact situation I wouldn't take anything anywhere near him. It's too late to say "oops!" if he takes a pot shot at you. Why not find out who his physician is and confer with the doctor?

[m.t.hands]

seen such behavior a couple of times, very disturbing and sad

[rdoubledog]

I applaud you. Some fear that he'd shoot you or come out the door throwing axes.

[Garfish]

How is he staying fed, nourished?

[TMG]

Sorry to hear this. for your neighbor.
Maybe write him a letter. Something he can keep reading and thinking about.

[itsahog]

I don’t know how close you are to this guy, but I think I would leave the kind gestures and direct communication to his family members to sort out. He has made it pretty clear he does not want anyone around him. Maybe the best thing is to let him sort this out with his direct family members. People he knows well and would not hurt. Pushing yourself onto him they not be the best idea, for him or for you, you may actually worsen the condition. obviously you care about this guy, but there is definitely something out of sorts with him, sounds like somebody such as a family member who would be the appropriate choice to approach him. Good luck.

[cowtrimmer]

What a sad situation, Its hard to see someone you obviously care about become mentally diminished.

[catjuggin]

He has no family members. One niece who’s out of town. One cousin by marriage who is trying to help but has been put off by him as well. My wife and I are his only friends that saw him with any regularity. We are lucky to have trained officers in our small town that have crisis training and they are always willing to help,but there’s not much of anything they can do. Sad

[richg99]

Wow. l guess I am in the "leave him alone" camp. Even your kind gesture might be the very thing that would set him off.

A basket of food won't change anything enough to make a difference and he obviously believes that he should be left alone. As I get older, I know that I am blessed to have my wife around because this sort of thing can happen to any one of us.