When you say something that shocks others in a funny way!

[Jeff Hahn]

Ever say something to someone that shocked them in a funny way so that they go ?

My cousin's wife is kind of a prude. My wife and I and he and his wife were eating at our local BBQ joint right after it opened. I got the ribs and they were great. As usual, I had sauce on my hands and face. I grabbed a couple paper towels from the roll on the table. (It's not a real BBQ joint unless there's a roll of paper towels on the table!) My cousin's wife is watching me wipe my hands and face. I told her, "Eating BBQ is like sex. If you aren't a sticky mess when you're done, you didn't do it right!" Her eyes got big, her mouth dropped open, and she says, "What did you just say?" My wife, my cousin, and I just busted out laughing! Of course, my wife gave me heck for saying that, but it was worth it by the look on her face.

Many years ago when at Santee we trailered up to the swamp and put in at Stumphole Landing. After a couple hours, the wind got up and it was just hard to fish. So, we put the boats on the trailer and headed back to my buddy's trailer at Big Oak on the Diversion Canal. On the way through Eutawville, the guy in the lead truck gets on the CB (that tells you how long ago this was!) and says, "Boys, what we need is a greasy chili dog!" and he pulls into the Tasty Twirl food stand (now just called The Twirl). We all put in our orders and eventually they started calling our names. We all got up from the picnic tables and were gathered around the window. When the lady called one old timer's name, he walked up to the window. She told him his meal was $4.50. He looks her dead in the eye and says "Charge it!" Her eyes got big and she had no idea how to respond! After a second, the old timer busts out laughing and gets his wallet out. She finally figured out it was a joke and started laughing too!

Another old timer who used to go to Santee with us was fishing with a buddy one day at Santee. Along comes a guy in a one man boat using a paddle to get along as he was dipping his cane pole around the cypress trees. As he gets near my buddy's boat, he says "Good Morning!" My buddies respond. The old timer says, "That's a nice little boat you have there! Would you trade it to me for a pocket knife?" The guy in the one man boat got a weird look on his face, having no idea what to say! Finally, all he said was "No" and moved on!

[BigFishSteve]

When you say BBQ joint, is that hotdogs and hamburgers cooked outside?

[Jeff Hahn]

When you say BBQ joint, is that hotdogs and hamburgers cooked outside?

Nope...pulled pork and pork ribs, etc.

[Tarheel14]

We had our (rest in peace) dachsund at the vet one time to get some blood work done. The DR. was feeling around on the dogs body to feel if there were any lumps or anything and when he got around to the lower region area..

I said......"turn your head and cough Johnny" .....I never thought nothing of it til I looked up and the Vet was in tears laughing hysterical. That was funny right there.

[SHM64]

Was at a dinner party attended by the President of a local university, where my wife happened to be getting her Masters. During dinner, my wife beside him, I told him that I was sleeping with a coed. He and I thought it was funny.

[vatreefarmer]

Was at a dinner party attended by the President of a local university, where my wife happened to be getting her Masters. During dinner, my wife beside him, I told him that I was sleeping with a coed. He and I thought it was funny.

I got the same deadpan look when I told my wife on our honeymoon that I had never slept with a married woman before, or I tell friends that I've been sleeping with a married woman. She still doesn't find that funny.

[Fireball]

I got the same deadpan look when I told my wife on our honeymoon that I had never slept with a married woman before, or I tell friends that I've been sleeping with a married woman. She still doesn't find that funny.

I always say I love married life, it’s my wife I don’t like…..she just laughs

[Fireball]

True story :

Traveled to Washington DC to meet my son’s future in-laws. Conversation got quiet in the small living room so I thought I would mention how I watched Pawns Stars on TV. However I said “did you ever watch Porn Stars on TV, it’s really good you should watch it”. I felt like crawling under the couch as these people were very religious from Little Rock when my wife kept say he watches Pawn Stars Pawn Stars.

[Rangerdeepv]

The shock of saying I married a cougar is not as much as it once was to my beautiful wife but still makes most chuckle.

[USMC2112]

It can be even funnier if you can convince someone else to say something shocking that they aren’t aware of the implications. I once convinced the wife of a friend, with his help, to ask the waiter at a seafood restaurant if they had any “bearded clam.” The waiter was awesome and played along.

[RonCat]

We were at the Vet having something checked on our dog Maggie and it went very smooth. My wife asked the Vet, “You were so gentle with Maggie, can you do my Pap smear?” I held in the laugh, the Vet was a bit taken aback, but got the joke…eventually.

[geodebasser]

Just yesterday one of my customers told me how awful he felt because he once accidentally killed the family cat which had climbed up in the engine compartment and got caught in the fan. It happened years ago when his kids were young and lived at home. His wife and kids were not home so he just cleaned everything up and got rid of the carcass. He never told his family because he thought it would be better if they just thought the cat was missing and wandered away.
Before I could think about it I asked if the cat was named Hoffa? He burst out laughing and then it made me laugh. Then I said I am sorry it really is not funny.
I would never have said anything so inappropriate if I had thought about it for two seconds . I actually love animals .

[Hoot]

I wasn’t present when this happened years ago during a Bass Fishing Home Page Rally at Guntersville but have heard accounts from multiple witnesses.

There was a fella from Minnesota in attendance whom I know quite well and was along with several of them who stopped at a joint that served food and adult beverages.

The fella from Minnesota is looking at a portrait on the wall then all of a sudden blurts out so everyone in the place can hear him “Who is the Old Man in the Funny Looking Hat”?

I heard things got very quiet as the other rally goers got a little scared but managed to diffuse the situation by explaining who Paul Bear Bryant was and why his portrait was on the wall.

One friend from Mississippi told me he had spotted a nearby window and was almost ready to dive through it.

[WPS456]

A friend of mine was in his chicken house and a cable broke and came across his face and tore him up pretty good (lucky he didn’t lose an eye). They’re in a small town so they obviously know the doc. So his very quiet and shy wife takes him to the doc and the doc asked him, “Joe, there’s got to be a good story here so what happened?”. Joe said, “I forgot the safe word, Doc”. His wife, who works for me told me the story and I was rolling!!! Me and him do stuff like that to embarrass our wives all the time but that had to be the best.

[mattmann7]

You want to have fun ? Lose your hearing aides. I hear some crazy things that I repeat to customers that I am waiting on at the meat counter where I work. One guy I thought ordered chipmunk. We had a good laugh. Not everything I hear is rated G. Some of the stuff I heard with the hearing aides was funny also. A few ladies were giggling about chicken breasts. One said I love bone in breasts. Another replied I love it when they leave the bone in. If I entered that conversation I would have been fired. One woman insisted that she wanted to know if I could give her a large beef shank. I whispered to the guy I was working with that it was a loaded question. Apparently my whisper was not a whisper. The woman grabbed the wrapped product from my hand when I gave it to her and wasnt amused. Just writing this is loaded with innuendo. The most common innuendo I hear used occurs when a female customer requests a certain sized peice of meat. The answer is usually I will show it to you before I wrap it. The winks and giggles I get when I call the number 69 are classic. One regular customer tried to embarrass me by thanking me with the reply that I always give her good meat. She is on the MILF side and I was dieing to reply "in my dreams". Its all in fun and makes the job enjoyable.

[f16 1ub]

At dentist 2 weeks ago & doc asked me if my wife goes fishing with me? I asked, Doc are you on drugs? The hygienist lost it.