the farmers new telephone
There was a farmer out in the country, a meek little guy who had a speech problem and couldn't talk right. He got his first telephone, the kind that hangs on the kitchen wall and has to be cranked to get the operator.
Soon after it was installed, he tried his first call. (crank, crank, ring, ring) "Operator".
"Gimme fvree, fvree, one, fi, pease."
"Excuse me?"
"I wanna talk ta fvree, fvree, one, fi."
"I don't understand you, sir."
"FVREE, FVREE, ONE, FI!"
"Sir, if you want to make a call, you're going to have to talk plainer than that."
"Oh, yust shtick it up yer ash!" (slammed the phone down)
The next morning, there was a knock at the farmer's door. Two very large repairmen from the phone company were there, and they asked him if he was the one who had used a profanity with their operator.
"Yesh, I yam", he said.
The telephone man said "Sir, we don't stand for our ladies being treated that way. You have a choice. You can either call her right now and apologize, or we're going to remove your telephone."
Without saying a word, the little man walked to the telephone. (crank, crank, ring, ring)
"Operator".
"Are yew th' lady I told ta shtick 'dis telephone up her ash?"
Immediately huffy, the operator replied "I CERTAINLY am!"
"Well, get ready. Dere bringin' it in."
